


Sincerely, Me

by RichandMichael



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson (Broadway Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 23:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20786825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RichandMichael/pseuds/RichandMichael





	1. Chapter 1


    (Connor's POV)
    
    
    
    
    
    I wake up to hear my alarm clock go off for the fifth time this morning. I hear my parents whispering outside my door.
    
    
    
    
    
    "Should we get him up?"
    
    
    
    
    
    "I don't care. He doesn't want to be near us anyway."
    
    
    
    
    
    "Larry!"
    
    
    
    
    
    "What?! He's always high! You think he cares about anything anymore?!" Then mom knocks on my door.
    
    
    
    
    
    "Connor, you are you up?"
    
    
    
    
    
    "No." I say.
    
    
    
    
    
    "Connor, get up." I hear my sister, Zoe yell.
    
    
    
    
    
    "No."
    
    
    
    
    
    "Connor, go get high or something." Larry yells.
    
    
    
    
    
    "Shut UP!"
    
    
    
    
    
    "You don't talk to your father that way! Go downstairs!" Now I'm pissed.
    
    
    
    
    
    "FINE!" I go downstairs and I hear Cynthia asking if I'm going to have breakfast. I don't respond. I storm out of my house and I punched the nearest wall. I decided to walk to the orchard. I need to clear my head. I start walking and eventually I find myself sitting by the truck of the tallest tree in the orchard. I grab my blunt and start to light it. Then I hear it: sniffles coming from above me.
    
    
    
    
    
    I completely stop what I'm doing and I look up. I could see a boy about my age sitting on the tallest branch. His hair was a brownish-blonde color and he had a blue shirt and tan shorts on. I could see his innocent face looking down at me. His eyes were filled with tears that he was trying to hold back. He was physically shaking. We just looked at each other for a minute. I put my blunt in my pocket and stood up. The boy looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack. I felt sorry for him.
    
    
    
    
    
    "Are you okay?" I slowly say. Silence. he just looks to his left. Then his right. Anywhere, but into my eyes. He starts playing with his shirt. He just looked so miserable.
    
    
    
    
    
    "I-I-I-I'm f-f-fine." He starts to bite his lower lip and and blink frequently. 
    
    
    
    
    
    "No you're not. Why are you up there?" I say. I wanted to make sure he was okay. Then I realize: he's probably is here to- He finally looks at me again. I look into his eyes. They're surprisingly pretty. Beautiful. He starts to lightly cry. I was right.
    
    
    
    
    
    "Please, come down. I want to help you. Don't do this to yourself. Please." He looks at me with a slightly surprised face. 
    
    
    
    
    
    "O-Okay." He starts to climb down. Thank god. As he gets closer to me, I start to think I've seen him before. He gets to the bottom and I help him reach the ground. As he stands up, I hear him sniffle more.  
    
    He bolts to me and hugs me tight. I was not expecting that. He sobs into my chest. I wrap my arms around the boy and I lightly rub his back. I start to whisper.
    
    
    
    
    
    "Shh. Shhh. You're okay. Everything's okay." He continues to sob. I want to make whatever pain that's in his life disappear.
    
    
    
    
    
    "What made you want to do this to yourself?"
    
    
    
    
    
    "I'm broken."
    
    
    
    
    
    "No your not."
    
    
    
    
    
    "I have awful social anxiety and other mental things, I only have one friend who's car insurance gets paid if he hangs out with me, I'm basically invisible, my dad left when I was little. My life sucks. I'm broken." He tries to stop crying. I feel so bad for him.
    
    
    
    
    
    "Oh god. I'm so sorry." He continues to cry. He hugs me tighter as if holding on to me keeps him alive.
    
    
    
    
    
    "The worst part is the anxiety. Jared says that I'm just overthinking things and that I should stop doing that but I can't."
    
    
    
    
    
    "Wait, are you talking about Jared Kleinman?"
    
    
    
    
    
    "Y-yeah."
    
    
    
    
    
    "He's your friend?" To this he just nods. 
    
    
    
    
    
    "I'm Connor by the way."
    
    
    
    
    
    "Evan. I-I'm Evan."
    
    
    
    
    
    "You're Evan Hansen, right? The kid who tries to make Jared not be a dick to me."
    
    
    
    
    
    "Y-yeah. And your Connor Murphy."
    
    
    
    
    
    **I know this is a kind of weird place to end a chapter but I'm tired. I hope you guys like this story. Some of you have been voting up my other book "I Think I Love Him" and I'm really thankful for that. You guys are amazing. Bye.**


	2. Chapter 2


    (Evan's POV)
    
    
    
    
    
    "Well, I'm glad we kind of know each other." Connor says as I start tearing up again. He shouldn't have to deal with me and my problems. I wish I just jumped. Then he wouldn't be bothered dealing with me. Then he puts his hands on my shoulders, probably seeing me start to cry again.
    
    
    
    
    
    "I'm s-so sorry. I'm so sorry imsosorryimsosorryimsorryimsorryim-"
    
    
    
    
    
    "Shh. You're okay. It's all okay Hansen."
    
    
    
    
    
    "I shouldn't make you worry. I-I'm fine. I should g-go." I start to let go of him but he grabs my arm. 
    
    
    
    
    
    "Ev, I just wanna make sure you're okay. You almost... jumped." I turn away from him.
    
    
    
    
    
    "I SHOULD have jumped." 
    
    
    
    
    
    (Connor's POV)
    
    
    
    
    
    What?! I cover my mouth with my hand. I find myself in a shock. I want to hold him tight and never let go. This poor boy. Shit, what do I say to that?! I stand in silence for a minute. Ev starts playing with is shirt.
    
    
    
    
    
    "Oh my god, no! I'm glad you didn't! You deserve to live WAY more than I do!" I start lightly tearing up. Shit. He looks over at me. Then his face turns to shock.
    
    
    
    
    
    "OH MY GOD YOU'RE CRYINGIMSOSORRYIMSUCHANIDIOTYOUDONTNEEDTHAVEPITYONMEIMFINEIMSORRYCON-" I stop him by hugging him tight to me. I want him to be happy. I start crying.
    
    
    
    
    
    "Y-you d-did nothing wrong. I'm crying c-cause I want you to be okay. To be happy. And I feel like I can't help. But I want to. I need to. It's all going to be okay Ev. I promise, I will make life good for you." I say as I cry. I start shaking. I want to protect this boy I barely know. He's just so... adorable. Perfect. He deserves better. He deserves the whole world. 
    
    
    
    
    
    He starts crying and he hugs me tighter.
    
    
    
    
    
    "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Connor, I.. don't know what to say. You're just so nice to me. I'm not used to this." He says. At least I know I'm doing an okay job at protecting him.
    
    
    
    
    
    "I don't mean that in a weird way or anything-" I want to kiss him so bad, but I don't want to do something he doesn't want.
    
    
    
    
    
    "I know Evan." I say with a smile as the tears go away from as both.
    
    
    
    
    
    **I know this chapter is short but I want at least SOMETHING posted on this story. I will try to update this more often. I'm just more focused on my first book. Bye!**


	3. Chapter 3

(Connor's POV)

I hugged Evan close to me as whimpered.   
"I have an idea Ev. We can be friends! Then we will both have someone to be real friends with!" He looked at me and smiled a little as he hugged me even tighter. For some reason, I almost said boyfriend instead of friend. God, I'm so gay.

"R-really? You want to be friends with a loser like me?"

"Evan. You are not a loser. You are amazing!" I say as I smile.

"T-thanks, Connor."

"Come on. I'll bring you to get ice cream. If you want." I say as I stand up and put my arm out so Evan can use it to help him stand up. Evan slowly puts is hand in mine and starts to stand. We then start to walk to the closest ice cream place, A La Mode.  
As we walk, I decide to start a conversation because Evan looks anxious.

"Evan, what things do you like?" As I say that, Evan's eyes light up.

"Trees! I l-like trees a lot... I know it's stupid-"

"Evan, what's your favorite kind of tree?" I say, showing that I'm interested in what he's saying.

"Uhh, the Rainbow Eucalyptus! They are named after their rainbow colors."

"They sound really pretty  
"They sound really pretty." I say as we get to the front of the A La Mode. We get in the line, which is pretty short.

"C-Connor?" I turn to see Evan messing with his shirt.

"Yeah Ev?"

"C-can you- Never mind it's stupid."

"Hansen. What is it?" I say, hoping it didn't sound harsh.

"Can you... order for m-me? My anxiety is getting to me."

"Of course I can. What do you want?"

"Mint chocolate chip in a cone please."

"Okay." We get to the front of the line and I get a cookie dough cone and a mint chocolate chip cone and I see Evan look at me as we walk out.

"D-do you want me to pay you back?"

"My treat. You don't need to pay me back."

"T-thanks."

"Anytime Evan."

We walk over to the nearest bench and we sit down next to each other. We both start eating in comfortable silence. I can tell it's comfortable because Evan is just eating, not playing with his shirt or hair. He looks lost in thought. Hopefully good thoughts. I look at him again. His beautiful hair, his blue eyes that seem to shine, his cute smile. Everything. Then, I notice he's looking at me now.

(Evan's POV)

I sit in thought. I think about why a guy so kind gets called 'school shooter' and things like that. He's so nice. I start thinking about his eyes. They're a chocolate brown color. They make me stare at him. He probably thinks I'm really weird for that.   
I look over to him and I see he's staring at me. Did I do something wrong? Did he ask me a question and I didn't hear him? Then the bad thoughts go away as his eye pull me in again. We sit for a few minutes just staring at each other's eyes. Then he smiles at me so I smile back. I like Connor. He's a nice guy.

(Connor's POV)

I love Evan but I don't think he likes me back. I just smile and he smiles back. Today was a good day for once.

I new chapter! Finally! I've been more focused on my other book but I will try to update this book more. Also, huge thanks to OtakuFnafCreepyGirl for supporting this book and encouraging me to write more! You're amazing! Thank you!  
I'm actually proud of this chapter so I hope you guys enjoyed it. Thank you! Bye!


	4. Chapter 4

(Evan's POV)

We sat staring into each other's eyes. After a while I snap back into reality and look away in embarrassment. Why am I so awkward?

We got up off the bench after we finished our ice creams and had some conversations about things we like. Then I check my phone and see that mom came home early and is worried about where I am. She texted me four times. I start to panic.

"I gotta go. My mom wants me home." I say as I look over at Connor.

"Do you want me to walk you home?"

"I-if you don't mind."

"Lets go then." We start walking with me leading Connor so he doesn't go the wrong way. As we get to my door I see Connor look at me with a concerned face.

"Evan?"

"Y-yeah?" He stands in silence for a second and I start to get worried.

"You... won't try that again, right? I don't want you to get hurt. You're my only friend." Usually, Connor doesn't show concern about others so it felt nice knowing he cares. Then I notice that he was tearing up.

"I-I-I- I d-don't think so..." I barely whisper this.

"Hansen. Promise me that you'll come to me if you feel like this again."

"Okay. As long as you do the same. Come to me if you feel bad. Only if you want to I mean-"

"I promise." Connor hugs me as he says this.

"Here." Connor says as he let's go. He grabs a paper and pen out of his hoodie pocket.

"Here's my phone number. I'll text you soon. See you later Evan."

"B-bye Connor." I say as I take the paper with his number on it and then I open the front door. Connor gives me a small wave and I wave back as I close the door.

(Connor's POV)

I walk back to my house, not wanting to go inside. I'm in a pretty good mood right now so I don't want my family to ruin that. I've only really known Evan for a day, even though I'd seen him with Jared before, and my gay mind thinks he's cute as hell.  
I decide to go in cause fuck it. Why not? As I open the door I'm greeted by Cynthia.

"Hi." As I say this she looks at me like I just said my first word. Usually I don't say much to Cynthia, so a casual 'hi' is not normal talk for me to her. She's still in shock as I head upstairs to my room.

Before I can get in my room, Zoe runs up and stops me.

"Connor, what did you do to mom? She looks frozen. Did you get mom high somehow?"

"Zoe, all I did was say hello! A single fucking 'hi' and you're blaming me for getting mom high! Leave me the fuck alone Zoe!" I slam by bedroom door shut in Zoe's face and fall back onto my bed. What. A. Day.

Then I think back to Evan. He's pretty face. Gorgeous eyes. God, he's adorable. I hope I can help him. Maybe I can have a real friend for once.

This thought helps me fall asleep, forgetting dinner.

(Evan's POV)

"Evan! Where were you?! I was about to call the police to help find you!"

"M-mom I'm sorry. I met someone. I- went out f-for a walk and I met a boy named Connor."

"Oh. Well, is he nice?"

"Y-yeah. I've seen him in school before so when summer ends I m-might have classes with him."

"That's great honey! I'm glad you met a friend." Mom dropped the topic of 'where were you' really fast after I mentioned Connor. I head up to my room and lay in my bed thinking of one thing:

Connor. He's really nice. I used to have a crush on Zoe Murphy, but I learned she's a lesbian so that's not gonna work. Plus, I don't actually know much about her anyway. I'm not attached. But now, Connor is just- I don't know how to describe him. I thought I was straight! I don't know anymore. He's probably straight.?Then I remember I need to write my letter for therapy.

Dear Evan Hansen,

Today was a good day because you met a boy Connor! He seems really nice. He said he'll be your friend. Don't mess it up. You panicked during the day but Connor helped you!

Don't. Mess. This. Up.

Sincerely,

Your most best, and dearest friend, Me

I grabbed my blankets and slowly fell asleep.

I'm so happy about the support this book is getting! I want your input on something. Should Alana date Jared or Zoe? I love the idea of Jared being the fifth wheel but I don't know. Help me out. Thanks. Peace out!


	5. Chapter 5

(Connor's POV)

I wake up and immediately start thinking about Evan. I just sit on my bed waiting for Ev to text me. Then, just on time, my phone dings.

Unknown number:

Hi Connor. It's Evan. Hansen.

Ya boi Con:

Hey Ev! How are you feeling?

Tree boi:

Good. I guess. I'm sorry I'm so anxious.

Ya boi Con:

It's fine Ev.

Tree boi:

Okay

Ya boi Con:

Wanna hang out today?

Tree boi:

Sure! When?

Ya boi Con:

Is 12:00 okay?

Tree boi:

Sure! See you then!

Ya boi Con:

Bye Evan.

Tree boi:

Bye

I'm very proud of my contacts for Evan and me. Now to wait for 12:00.

(Evan's POV)

I lie down, already exhausted from the tiny social situation I was in texting Connor. Even though it's only 9:00, I started to get ready to see Connor.

I tell mom I'm going to hang out with Connor and she gives the 'be safe' speech, which I do appreciate, but it's hard to listen when I've heard it so many times.

After a while of getting ready, stressing and triple checking that everything is done, I look at my phone.

11:30

I hear a car pull up to my driveway. After a minute of worrying, I look out the window and see Connor getting out and walking towards the door. I fix my hair and then he knocks.

I open the door to see Connor in his black hoodie. He has ripped jeans on and his hair looks more tamed then yesterday.

"Ev?" This causes me to snap out of my daze and I realize I was just starring at him. Ugh I'm so weird!

"I'm sorry! I'm just um- hi."

"Hey. Ready to go?"

"Y-yeah, sure." He walks me to the car and opens the door for me. I got in and as he got in, I asked the question on my mind.

"Connor?"

"Yeah Ev?"

"Where are we going?"

"I thought since my parents aren't home today, we could go to my house to talk and stuff. Unless you have a better idea. Do you?"

"No that sounds great." Connor flashed me a smile and I gave a small smile back.

~time-skip brought to you by Rich asking if Michael is single and trying to hold Michael's hand in Be More Chill off Broadway~

(Connor's POV)

We walked into my house and immediately I see Zoe.

"Hey Con- did you kidnap Evan!? Why is he here?" I just walk by her and bring Evan up to my room.

"S-so, do you wanna play that game where you ask questions back and forth?" Evan plays with his shirt as he says this. He's so cute. I flash him a smile.

"Sure Ev."

Finally got this chapter done. I love Connor so much! Thanks soooo much for 1K on my other book! I'm so shocked that anyone cares about my books. Also, school starts soon. Sorry to give he harsh reality to ya. I crave death. Help. I gtg but I will try to write as often as I can during the school year. Thanks for reading this chapter! Au revoir peeps!  
(I almost typed Pepe instead of peeps. So au revoir Pepe!)


	6. Chapter 6

(Connor's POV)

"I'll go first! I-if you want."

"Ev. Go ahead." I say as I smile at him. He always feels like he has to double check everything he says. I feel bad for him. His social anxiety must be really shitty to deal with.

"Um, favorite color?"

"Ev. I'm wearing all black. I think that question answers itself."

"Oh y-yeah, right." I smile and think of my question.

"Favorite season?"

"Summer! No school, less social situations, pretty trees in full bloom. Even though all trees look beautiful all the time. S-sorry I'm rambling. Um, favorite subject?"

"Art. I know it's lame but I love drawing."

"It's not lame. That's cool!" I decide to see if I'd ever have a chance with Evan.

"Um... what's your sexuality?"

"Oh. I'm bi. I think. You?"

"Full on gay." I gave Evan finger guns and he giggles me a little. Before I met Evan, I felt like I could never smile. Never be happy. I couldn't even have a good conversation with Zoe. Or Cynthia. Or Larry. Or anyone.

"C-Connor?" This snaps me out of my thoughts.

"S-sorry! You just kinda zoned out. Sorry if you were thinking about something important or-"

"Evan. Thank you. I'm glad you snapped me out of that. It was bad. Just bad thoughts." I look down at my lap but I can basically feel Evan's concern.

"About home. About Zoe. Things like that." I start to look up. Evan looks into my eyes and his concern for me is comforting. I feel like I want to just cry. Let everything out. But I don't want to bother Evan.

"C-Connor? I-it's okay to... cry." I hear Evan's voice. He wants to help. Someone cares. I finally begin to cry. Evan hugs me tight and I cry for a minute or two.

"Thank you Evan. You're a great friend."

"R-really?"

"Of course!" We start to pull apart and I see him start to smile which makes me smile too. I look into his ocean eyes and I can almost see myself in them. I move over so I'm sitting next to Evan and I put my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes.

(Evan's POV)

I look over at Connor and notice he fell asleep on my shoulder. I put his head down and lay him down. I tuck him in and I text mom that I'm staying over a friend's house for the night. I put my hand on his as he sleeps. He lightly tightens his grip on my hand as I try to let go.

"Stay." I hear Connor say this in his sleep. I smile and pull a chair over and sit in it and hold Connor's hand.

"Come here." Connor says as he lightly taps the bed. I blush and get up. I sit down on his bed and hold his hand.

"Lay down." Connor quietly says. I blush more and lay down next to him. He wraps his arms around my waist and puts his head against my chest. I decide I should put my arms around him too. He comes closer to me and soon I fall asleep in Connor's arms.

Sorry this took so long. I really love the cuddling between Ev and Connor. They are so cute. They will be so cute together. Thanks for reading! Bye!


	7. Chapter 7

(Connor's POV)

I wake up and feel arms around me. I look down to see Evan cuddling up to me, his head buried in my chest. I immediately turn a little red. I am falling for him. Hard. Fuck my life.

He turns his head in his sleep and now I can see his face. He's smiling a bit and his nose is a little scrunched up. He's so cute.

I stared at his beautiful face for a minute or so and then wondered: how did we even end up sleeping together? Knowing Evan, I would have thought he would have gotten up if I fell asleep cause of his anxiety but I like knowing that he cared enough to stay with me.

After another minute, I see Ev slightly open his eyes. He lets out a small yawn and then starts to wake up more. He looks up at me and I smile at him. I swear he just blushed! He smiles back and messes with his hair. Some of his hair falls into his face. I push his hair back. He is DEFINITELY blushing! Maybe I have a chance.

"Morning Hansen."

(Evan's POV)

Oh fffffffrick I'm blushing. I decide to look down so he can't see my face.

"H-hey."

I then hear my phone buzz. Thank god a distraction from me blushing right now. Connor it's up and I grab my phone from Connor's bedside table and I see a message from Jared.

Cronch4life

Evan where have you been? My mom wants me to hang out with you more but you aren't answering me. I need that payed car insurance dude!

TreeLover

Sorry

Cronch4life

Don't be sorry, come over my place so mom knows I'm being nice you man!

TreeLover

I can't Jared. I'm at a friend's house

Cronch4life

Whoa whoa whoa. Back the fuck up! Evan Anti-social loser Hansen has a friend? Since when?

"Who is it?" Connor asks.

"J-Jared."

"What is he saying?"

"Um-" I see Connor put his hand out and then gestures to my phone. I slowly hand it to him and look down.

(Connor's POV)

I read over the messages and try not to punch something. I fucking hate Jared! One of these days I'll punch that fucker so hard he'll get a sneak peek of what hell looks like. I look over to see Evan looking down at the bed.

"I'm going to kill him."

Then I notice he's tearing up. Pour Evan is really sensitive and it make me want to hug him and never let go. I put my hand on his shoulder which makes him look up at me. I then pull him into a hug. Only a few tears come from Ev but I know that Jared shouldn't treat him like this.

Ding~

Cronch4life

Hellllo?! Earth to Hansen!

I let go of Evan and read the message. I silence Evan's phone and hug him again. God I want to kiss this boy!

(Evan's POV)

"Ffffrick. I forgot to write yesterday."

"Write what?"

"Oh um nothing it's just for an assignment."

"Evan it's summer."

"N-no for- therapy..."

"Oh. Do you want to use my computer for it? I have a printer if you need it."

"That would be great. Thanks." Connor sets up his computer and I sign into my google account and start to type yesterday's letter.

Dear-

I look up to make sure Connor isn't looking at my screen. He isn't. He just smiles at me and I continue.

Dear Evan Hansen,

Today was a good day because you hung out with Connor! He's really nice to you. Even though Jared wasn't super nice, today was good. All my hope is pinned on Connor.

Sincerely,  
Your most best, and dearest friend, Me.

I start printing the paper and look up at Connor.

"I'll get your paper. The printer's downstairs." Since Connor's room is on the second floors in his house it makes sense that the printer is downstairs. I don't want Connor to read it though.

"N-no I'll get it."

"Ev. I promise I won't read it. Therapy stuff is private. I just don't want you to have to deal with Zoe questioning you."

"O-okay I guess." Connor gets up and walks downstairs to get my paper. Then I think about Jared's texts.

TreeLover

Since two days ago I guess.

Cronch4life

God that took a long fucking time! Who is this so called "friend" of yours?

TreeLover

Connor

Cronch4life

CONNOR INSANE-EMO-WHO-THREW-A-PRINTER-IN-SECOND-GRADE MURPHY!

TreeLover

Just Connor

Cronch4life

HAVE FUN DEALING WITH HIM! IF YOU START SWEARING, GETTING HIGH AND THROWING PRINTERS I'LL KNOW WHO TO BLAME!

TreeLover

Jared stop

Cronch4life

I'll leave you to hang out with your boyfriend!

TreeLover

Typing: he's not my

Cronch4life went offline

I hear the door open and Connor hands me my paper.

"What were you doing on your phone? Was Jared being a dick again?"

"Well I decided to answer his question." He puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Can I see again?" This time a shake my head no. Connor wraps his arms around me.

"I don't want Jared treating you this way. I just want to help. Please?" I nervously nod yes. He lets go and picks up my phone and begins to read. I saw his face get more angry as he read.

(Connor's POV)

"That's it I'm talking to him."

TreeLover

Shut it asshole.

Cronch4life

He's already rubbing off on you!

TreeLover

It's Connor typing now dipshit!

Cronch4life

Ahh if it isn't the man-child himself!

TreeLover

Shut it Kleinman.

Cronch4life

What? Ain't got the balls to handle a few jokes school shooter?

Cronch4life has been blocked by TreeLover

"Don't listen to that jerk Ev."

"But you and him are all I have. You're my only friend and he's my only family friend. He says there's a huge difference and that he only hangs out with me because if he does, his mom will pay for his car insurance but besides that he's not so bad."

"Evan. You just can't hate anyone can you?" I say this with a smile. Evan smiles back.

"I guess I can't." I just sit there, looking at his eyes. God I love this boy! He's perfect. I just don't understand why he doesn't think he's perfect. I guess his modesty is yet any other thing that makes him perfect.

I'm glad I finally wrote another chapter to this book! And it was a longer one! I decided every so often I would post a question for all of you to answer on my 'Conversations' tab in my profile so we can get to talk about our interests here! Then we can get huge conversations started! I hope you guys get involved with my community of people reading my stories! Thanks to all of you! You all mean so much to me! Bye guys, gals and non-binary pals! (Thomas Sanders reference)


	8. Chapter 8

(Connor's POV)

Evan put his paper into his backpack. He yawned as he did this.  
"Are you still tired? You can sleep if you want to."

"No I'm fine. I'm not tired."

~timeskip brought to you by Elder McKinley from The Book Of Mormon being adorable and gay!❤️I'm sorry. I love him so much!~

We sat on my bed for a bit and just talked. It feels really nice to have a real friend. We somehow got onto the topic of my family.

"We used to have a lot of fun together as a family. We would visit the orchard a lot. I'm surprised you went in there since it shut down. What's your mom like?"

"She's really nice. She tries hard to help me and be there for me but I don't see her a lot since she's always working. Ever since dad left, I was seven at the time, she's always busy."

"I- I'm sorry Ev."

"N-no! It's okay! I'm fine!" Evan gave me a obviously fake smile and laugh. We've grown comfortable in each other's arms so I hug Evan for the millionth time since we met. Then he dropped his act and began to cry.

"I've been- holding in all my feelings. About everything! My mom, my depression, even my... s-suicide attempt. My mom doesn't even know." I felt myself start to tear up. He's been through so much.

"Ev. Tell me everything okay? Tell me what you're comfortable telling me. It will feel good to let everything out. Then I can try to help okay?"

⚠️Evan talks about his depression, home life and anxiety so trigger warnings ahead!⚠️

"She tries. She really does! But... having only her isn't the same as if I had her and my dad. If I had him, we would be a happy family. We would have more money. I feel like my pills and my therapy waist my Mom's money. I wish I was normal! I ruined my Mom's life! Thanks to me, she has to work nonstop! I don't want to bother her with my problems and I don't want to bother you ether!"

⚠️Warning part over⚠️

"Evan, you are NOT bothering me. I promise! You are NOT a waist of money. You are NOT ruining ANYONE'S life. I want you to talk to me! I wanna help. Okay?" Evan nods his head yes to this and then tightens our hug. I began to cry. We cry and hug for a few minutes until I hear the door knob.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?!" Zoe runs in and basically grabs Evan from me and looks him over like she's making sure I didn't hurt him.

"Zoe, fuck off!" She looks at me and finally notices that I'm crying too.

"What happened?" Zoe says like she didn't think I hurt him.

"It's nothing." Evan says quietly.

"Zoe, this has NOTHING to do with you." I say, hugging Evan again. I can feel him physically shaking. He buries his head into my chest. I hug him tight to me and smile.

"Okay. I'm gonna go and ship you two and if you wanna talk come find me." Zoe says this as she leaves my room and shuts the door.

"Sorry about her Ev." I get no response.

"...Ev?" I look down to see that Evan fell asleep on me. I guess he was more tired then he let on.

I mess with his hair as he sleeps. Then it happens.

Cliff hanger mother fuckers! It's late as hell so I'm not gonna write anymore in this chapter. You guys are amazing! Bye!


	9. Chapter 9

(Connor's POV)

I kiss him on the forehead. I probably shouldn't have but fuck it, I love him. Evan's so adorable! Everything about him is perfect! His personality, his beautiful eyes, the way his hair falls perfectly, his shy nature, his cute face, the way he stutters when he's nervous, the fact that he cares about me, everything!

I snuggle up to Evan and hold him close to me. I smile and think of Evan's smile. He's my everything. I see his gorgeous eyes begin to open. He smiles at me.

"Hey sleepyhead."

"Hey." He smiles at me again.

"Did Zoe leave?"

"Yup. Sorry about her."

"It's fine."

(Evan's POV)

When Connor holds me and I feel comfortable. I feel happy. Like everything's okay. Connor is amazing. I could look into his eyes for years. He's cute too. Thinking about this makes me blush.

"What are you blushing about?"

"N-nothing!" I hold Connor to me even though I'm nervous. He helps me. Cuddling with him makes life worth it.

Oh god. I love him.

I love Connor Murphy.

Oh god I need help. I can't just love him! I don't know what to do! Oh god.

"Evan, are you okay? You seem nervous." I feel myself panicking. No, not now. I try to just breathe. Connor pulls away from me.

"Evan just breathe okay?" He looks into my eyes. I see his worried expression. I focus on his eyes. His beautiful eyes. After a minute I feel normal again.

"Are you okay?!" I just nod. Connor hugs me and I immediately hug back.

"Ev What happened?"

"I... I-I I- I LOVE YOU! I love you hair and your eyes! I could look into your eyes forever! And how you care! And everything about you is perfect!" I see Connor's bewildered expression and I begin to worry.

Then he kisses me. I kiss him back. All my worries disappear. His lips feel so right touching mine. Like this was meant to happen. Like we were meant to be together.

We slowly pull apart and I see Connor's huge smile.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that Hansen." I smile at him. He starts spooning me. At this point we are both blushing a ton. We keep cuddling and I feel like I never want it to end.

It happened people! This is a short chapter but you guys wanted an update so here is the cutest thing ever! Also, thanks for the questions for my bio book! You can ask anything! From "what's your favorite color?" to "What are your top 5 musicals?" I would love to answer them! Thanks guys! Bye!


	10. Chapter 10

(Evan's POV)

I kissed Connor Murphy. Oh my god. I'm screwed. What do I do now? Are we dating? Maybe we aren't. I don't know how to date!

(Connor's POV)

"You okay?"

"Y-yeah I- I don't know..." I give Evan some time to think since I know he likes to be able to think before he speaks.

"I feel like this is a dream come true but- I don't know how to do this. I'm feel like I'm gonna mess something up or do something wrong. I'm just... scared."

"Ev, I'm scared too. I don't know any more about this than you do. We can go as slow as you want. We don't even have to date right now if you're not ready okay? I'll respect any decision."

(Evan's POV)

Without hesitating I pull Connor into a kiss. He's just so perfect.

~timeskip brought to you by BE MORE CHILL ON BROADWAY!~

I have been home for a few hours now. All I can think about is Connor.

Dear Evan Hansen,

Today was a good day because of Connor. He kissed you! He's your boyfriend now! Maybe you did something right!

Sincerely,  
Your most best, and dearest friend, Me

I finished my letter and then I decided to unblock Jared since he is my only friend since Connor is my boyfriend now. As soon as I did this, I got a text from Jared.

(Jared's POV)

Cronch4life

Finally! I've been waiting for you to unblock me since I knew it wouldn't take you long. You still with Connor ;p Did you two have a sleepover 😏

Regret

TreeLover

...Jared stop

Cronch4life

Are you okay?! You're acting weird.

Regret

TreeLover

I always act weird

No you don't. God I'm such a dick to him. I suck at showing emotions even though I want to tell him he's my best friend. He's amazing. I fucked up a long time ago and now I can't fix it. God I hate hiding me to be 'cool.' Evan is an amazing person and I'm just an asshole. Fuck.

Cronch4life   
Can you come over? I wanna talk.

TreeLover  
Why can't you just text about it?

Cronch4life  
It's important. Be here in 5

I need to fix what I messed up. I don't want him to not trust me, even though he has every reason to.

(Evan's POV)

I sit, wondering what Jared wants. I get my stuff and head towards Jared's house. I start to hum to myself as I walk. I walk up to his porch and see Jared sitting on the steps.

"H-hi." Jared doesn't meet my eyes at all.

"Hey."

"......" I don't know what to say. I sit down next Jared on the step.

"S-so um-" I start to ask why I'm here but Jared cuts me off by wrapping his arms around me. He clings on to me and hugs me. He buries his head in my chest. Suddenly I feel water going through my shirt. Am I sweating?! Then I hear sniffles. Wait, Jared is CRYING! He NEVER cries! Ever! My hands are still by my sides do to nerves.

"I-I'm sorry Evan." I hear Jared whisper this to me. I start getting really confused but I finally wrap my arms around him. Jared gets closer to me and keeps crying.

"I'm a horrible person Ev. I just- I try to hide my feelings to seem 'tough.' I hide who I really am and just act like an asshole. I've been so mean to you! You're my best friend!" Jared sobs into my chest.

I'm surprised to hear Jared open up to me like that. I smile just thinking about him caring all this time. I start to whisper in Jared's ear.

"Shhh. It's okay. You're okay." I hug him tight and I begin to tear up.

I'm gonna end this chapter here cause I gotta go out but I want to give you guys some content. Love y'all! Thanks for being so nice on the new Discord! Bye!❤️


	11. Chapter 11

⚠️ Suicidal thoughts warning

(Evan's POV)

It's hard for me to comfort Jared just because I don't really comfort anyone much. But he's my friend so I try.

"Calm down, you're okay."

"Evan. I suck. I treated you like a burden. And I wish I never did. You're a great guy Ev. I just, I don't know..."

He takes his head off of my chest and looks away.

"Jared. Calm down and breathe. What are you talking about? I'm not mad at you or anything."

"Well you should be. All I do is pretend you aren't there. And that's not right. I just wanna fix this shit."

I'm shocked. I didn't expect Jared to ever be open with his emotions to me. I'm not good at this l.

"We've both made our fair share of mistakes Jared. The important thing is we are still friends."

"We are? Were we ever really friends? Don't get me wrong, I would love to be friends with you but before this I've been treating you like human garbage all the time." (Cause my Squip told me to.)

"The past is over Jared. We both messed up and this is our chance to fix it. Come on, let's go for a walk. It's what I do when I sad. It helps clear my head."

"I-okay."

We head out for a walk. We walk side by side in comfortable silence. I can see Jared visibly calming down. He stops shaking and his expression lightens up.

⚠️⚠️⚠️

We walked until we reached an orchard.  
THE orchard.  
The orchard where I truly met Connor.

The orchard where I tried to end my life.

Maybe everyone would be better off if I had just jumped. Then mom wouldn't have to pay for me. Then Dad wouldn't have left. Then Jared wouldn't have to feel guilty. Then Connor wouldn't waste his kindness in me.

I feel myself start panicking. I drop my phone out of my hand. Please not now. I start tearing up. My breaths hitch. Jared notices this.

"Evan? Evan are you okay?"

"C-can't b-breathe."

"What do I do?! I've never seen you like this!"

I rack the tiny bit of my brain that isn't saying bad things. What do I do? Jared doesn't know how to help with panic attacks. Um...

"C-c-call Con-n-ner."

He rushes to get my phone off the ground. He unlocks it (since he once forced me to tell him my password) and scrolls to find Connor's contact. I can see the worry in Jareds eyes which makes the thoughts worse but yet also is reassuring. The phone rings and after one ring he picks up.

"Hello? Ev what's up? I thought you told me you didn't like phone calls much. Is everything oka-"

"Connor, Evan's freaking out. I don't know what to do."

(Connor's POV)

My heart sinks as I hear Jared through the phone.

"Speaker phone. Now!"

He puts me on speaker phone and I hear Evan's fast breaths.

"Evan. Evan can you hear me?!"

"Y-yeah." He says between breaths.

"I'm on my way right now okay. Jared where are you two?"

"The closed down orchard."

"Shit! Evan, look around okay? What do you see?"

I hop in the car and keep my phone on speaker so I can hear them both.

"Um i-i-i see um Jared. And-and-and t-the grass."

"Okay do you see any trees?"

"Y-y-yeah."

"What kinds? Tell me about them."

"I-i see mostly Oaks. Um s-s-some um pines. A maple. Um I see a few birches to."

"Okay. Out of the ones you see, which one is your favorite?"

At this point I'm speeding towards the orchard. Luckily, his breaths are slightly more normal now.

"Um, p-probably the um m-maples. Cause of the cool leaves. O-or the pine cause it um stays green all year. But the Birch is nice too. It's pretty and-"

I cut him off by hugging him tight.

"Oh! H-hey Connor."

"Hey. You okay?!"

He nods into my chest.

"Bad thoughts?"

He nods again and he starts sniffling again.

"Shh. Come on. Let's get you the hell out of here."

I pick Evan up, causing him to yelp and hold onto me tightly.

"Don't worry I promise I won't drop you okay?"

He nods. I walk off, carrying Evan bridal style. I see Jared chasing after us.

"Wait up! What just happened? Is he okay?! Evan are you okay?"

"Like you give a shit." I say while walking a bit faster.

"Hey. Con. It's okay. W-we made up."

"Evan's right. I fucked up and I know that now. I'm gonna be better. I'm sorry okay."

Wasn't expecting that shit.

"If you ever EVER talk shit about Evan ever again, you're dead. Got it?"

"Okay, okay! Don't be such an overprotective boyfriend."

He sends his stupid smile at me.

"Whatever. At least I'M dating someone."

"Wait, what! I was joking!"

"Well we're not. Right Ev?"

I look down and see him fast asleep in my arms. I can't help but smile.

"Just- don't bring him to the orchard. Ever. He gets like this when he's there."

"Why? I thought he loved trees."

"He does. But not here. That's all you need to know. Now I'm bring Evan back to my place."

"Ooh Kinky!" (trulylopin22 )

I blush a bit.

"Shut it Kleinman."

FINALLY IM BACK BITCHES. I'm so sorry this took so long! trulylopin22 encouraged me to write more so here we are. I love you guys so much! Thanks for waiting this long. I know it's been like a year ish but still! I can't wait to update more :3  
School has started though so it might still take a bit. I should make an update schedule... Nah too much pressure.

Love you all! Stay safe! If you have meds, take them! (responsibility) If you haven't ate today EAT. Get a good sleep. Take care of yourself because YOU MATTER! YOU ARE IMPORTANT. YOU ARE UNIQUE AND SPECIAL AND BEAUTIFUL! Even if no one you know supports you, fuck them! You are perfect no matter the gender, sexuality, personality, race, etc. I love you! Bye everyone!


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